When I finally took time to think about life, I realized that it is full of twist and turns, especially if married. More like an adventure. One that changes daily depending on the decisions you make. Nothing new to people. Just a thought that popped into my head while sitting here.
Here is what I want to say today:
I fell "head over heels" in love with my husband and dreamed of a life full of adventure and children. I have both. Three wondferful children who are almost adults and on their own and a marriage full of........twist and turns. As wonderful as my husband is he is not a financial wizard and unfortunately for us, he has ruined our credit. Oh, he had help, I trusted him enough to be the co-signer, trusting that he would make payments on loans/mortgages only to be let down time and time again. But I love him... Maybe I'm just comfortable with our marriage, M-m-m-m, a thought to ponder. Some would say that I am stupid...and I would have to agree when it comes to my love for him. I've allowed him to go on for years, me being the "dutiful" wife (well maybe not so dutiful as I am part Indian and part Dutch/Irish) but none the less, as dutiful as I could be. I've accepted the way things were/are, and I've tried to help when he allowed me to. Now I'm told that he is no longer in love with me and wants a divorce. Twist or Turn?
Do I give him one? No because I took a vow to "love til death do us part". Silly, I Know, especially in this day and age when people are divorcing over every little thing. Do I suspect another women? Unfortunately yes. Do I have proof? No, can't afford to hire a P.I., not sure if I would if money was available.
So what do I do? I tell you what I do. I pray daily that God will guide my steps and my words. That he will take hold of my husband and convict him, if he is doing anything wrong against our marriage. I pray that God will start the healing in both our hearts. But most important, I pray that God's will is done. Not sure what I mean by "Gods will be done", but I pray it anyway, whether we stay together or go our separate ways.
You might think from the previous paragraph that I am a "religious freak". But I'm not, just human. I've always relied on God, but must admit that I'm a little shaken by this "divorce" issue. Thought we would grow old together and have that special "comfort love" that older couples appear to have. Sometimes I catch myself panicking about being alone, paying bills he hasn't paid, and things in general. But then I realize that I did those things prior to marriage, that I was a strong person then and can be again.
So here it is, my first post, and I'm not sure what will become of it or if anyone will respond. But I do feel better just knowing that someone might read it and reply.....hopefully positively....but even a negative reply might hold some information worth pondering.
Oh....and if anyone knows where I might get a small loan to pay off some of the debt we/I owe, just let me know. I would prefer a short term loan, 3 years or less, for about $5000.00. This is not all the debt owed as a couple, but this is all I can take on as a possible future divorcee.
